


I Know It's Over

by LoseInhibition



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: F/M, Infidelity, M/M, Pining, The Sign of Three
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-12
Updated: 2014-01-12
Packaged: 2018-01-08 11:46:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1132267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoseInhibition/pseuds/LoseInhibition
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when Sherlock leaves the wedding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Know It's Over

**Author's Note:**

> "I know it's over" is a song by The Smiths.

He goes into his room, opens the drawer containing cigarettes and his 7% solution. He's tempted to reach for the latter in its small case, he hasn't opened it since John came. It seems fitting that the day John leaves is the day he opens it again. He lights a cigarette and finishes it far too quickly. He just lights another. And another. All the while staring at the open black case lying on his bed.  
It's tempting, to eliminate all the pain. John leaving, John moving on, John no longer needing him, John never wanting him, not being good enough for John. John. Brave John, good John, kind John, caring John, John saving his life. Him and John together; now him and John apart.  
He curses and reaches for his next cigarette, the packet is empty. He curses again and stares at the black case before taking it in his hands, just holding it.  
He thinks he hears the door open. Mrs Hudson won't be back yet. Maybe she left early. Unlikely (who leaves a wedding early? So sad.). He hears footsteps. John's footsteps? John opening the door. John shouting Sherlock.  
He laughs humourlessly at his mind torturing him like this. The door opens and John stands staring. He moves towards Sherlock and sits next to him, rests a hand on his knee. They sit in silence.  
"Is this because of me?"  
"No." The lie is easy to read. But it's still not John's fault. John cannot do anything wrong.  
"Why?" John's voice is desperate and pleading.  
Sherlock feels tears welling up in his eyes and looks away.  
"Why are you here?" He mumbles.  
"I thought you might have a danger night."  
'You were right' he thinks bitterly.  
He doesn't know how it happens but he's crying against John's neck. Words and confessions gasped into John's skin.  
He doesn't know how long he cries in John's arm but when he fully realises what's happening he pulls away and moves swiftly to the bathroom to wash away the tears and, he hopes, the shame.  
He goes back into the bedroom although it takes all his resolve not to run away. John is sitting on the bed looking not far off shellshocked.  
'How could he not have known?' He looks upset, scared with a touch of sickened. Sherlock has never been so unhappy.  
"Why didn't you say something?" John murmurs in a hushed whisper.  
"I thought we had forever. And then I left and Mary came and it was too late." He attempts a casual tone but John's wet clothes are enough evidence of his emotions. He sees the flicker on John's face and adds. "Don't blame yourself." Pause. "Or Mary. Also don't feel the need to stay with me because of some misplaced nobility. I'm perfectly fine."  
John looks from the empty cigarette packet to the morphine still lying in its open case to the his wet clothing and skin to Sherlock. Standing, looking the very picture of 'not fine at all'.  
"I felt the same." John's voice is choked. "I always will, Sherlock. But I love Mary too. I'm married to her."  
"You should get back to the wedding."  
"Everyone's piss drunk. They're not going to notice. Mary said I should stay with you."  
Mary. Mary who is willing to let John stay with his bestfriend who's in love with him on their wedding night. His best mans speech was nothing but the truth, Mary truly deserves John.  
John removes Sherlock's already unbuttoned waist coat for him before moving to his shirt buttons. Sherlock freezes.  
"You need to change into pyjamas Sherlock."  
Sherlock closes his eyes, he can't bear to look at John. Perfect, caring, married John.

John settles Sherlock on the bed and moves so he's almost on top of him. "Just this once."  
And John kisses him. It's chaste and gentle, like John's worried he'll break him. Sherlock pretends the kiss isn't coming from sympathy and guilt and a desire to not see Sherlock relapse. Pretends this kiss is because John loves him, only him, pretends it's their wedding night. It proves to be too much as he realises the wet tears on his face are his own.  
John pulls away and lies Sherlock down, stroking his hair and his face and his hands and apologising profusely.  
"God, that was so selfish, and uncaring and really downright stupid. I am so sorry."  
He can't stop crying. "Please. Continue." He begs and John does.  
Kisses him on the mouth and on the cheek and on the forehead and on his nose. "You're brilliant."  
Kisses him on the neck and jaw and collarbones and chest. "Beautiful."  
Kisses his ribs and stomach and hipbones and navel. "Perfect"  
Kisses his thighs and his knees and calves and his ankles and feet. "So human"  
Kisses his lips. "I love you. I love you. I love you.  
He doesn't even bother to restrain the tears rolling down his cheeks. He's never felt so cherished and important and beautiful and amazing and loved.  
He feels John unbutton his trousers and is surprised to find himself hard.  
"Can I?" John asks as he lightly palms Sherlock over his pants. Sherlock nods although he's not really sure.  
John pulls down his trousers. "Do you have any lube?"  
Sherlock flushes and shakes his head. "You can use the lotion on my dresser."  
John retrieves it and moves so he lies on his side, his front pressed to Sherlock's side. He warms it up in his palms and carefully puts his hand in Sherlock's pants. He grasps the length and moves his hands lightly up and down, slowly upping the rhythm and tightening his hold.  
"I- John, no one's ever." He doesn't know why he says it. It will make John stop and that's not what he wants. John does stop.  
"Do you not want me to continue?"  
"No, I do. I need you. Please." He adds as he sees the uncertainty in John's face.  
John does and Sherlock gasps and moans at the feeling of it. There are words coming from his mouth, he doesn't know what but he hears John's name and declarations of love and sentiment. John responds to each word with a kiss to his shoulder and a soft word and a gentle stroke to his cheek.  
He's not going to last long, John's slick hand on him, John's words, John's face pressed to his neck. John. He wants John to kiss him but he doesn't dare asks and when John leans in anyway he doesn't know whether to smile of cry. John kisses him sweet and slow and sloppy. It's perfect.  
He comes in John's hand, moaning into his mouth. John holds him and soothes his shaking body.  
"It's okay. I've got you. It's alright. I love you." He whispers as he strokes the damp curls off Sherlock's forehead.  
He's exhausted. Physically... Emotionally. "John." He breathes, and it's everything he needs to say in those 4 words.  
He knows John will be gone soon. Gone to a life with Mary, a life with a baby, a life as a gp. A normal life that Sherlock will have no place in. He isn't going to ask for one.  
John won't talk about this and he won't bring it up. John won't need him and he'll pretend he doesn't need John. John won't love him and he'll always love John. But it's okay because as long as John is happy it's enough for him.  
He ignores the pain as John gives him one final lingering kiss. When John whispers one last I love you as he cards his hand through Sherlock's hair. Ignores the feeling in his chest as John picks up the case with the morphine and leaves the bed. Ignores the emptiness inside of him as John gives him a final smile and a final look. Ignores the memories of John flashing through his mind and lets the darkness engulf him.


End file.
